where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
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Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
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My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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