He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
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