pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
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You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
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I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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