So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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