He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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