so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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