I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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