he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
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Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
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My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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