I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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