Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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