it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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