she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
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She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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