it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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