I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
Iβm not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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