I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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