This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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