My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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