Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize