I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize