OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I am spending my child support on dildos
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
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She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
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Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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