I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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