Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
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It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
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is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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