woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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