I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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