There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize