I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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