I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
being pregnant is like rehab
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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