I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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