i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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