dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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