my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize