Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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