The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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