i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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