i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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