It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize