Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize