Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize