i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
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hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
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Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
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