dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
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