im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
we're making bets on your personal life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize