dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
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dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
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Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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