I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
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he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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