I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
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Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
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I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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