Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
So I just went to clothing optional bar
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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