Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
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