I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
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I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
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Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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