I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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