Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize