Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
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i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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